Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
Randomize
