Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
PS: I just woke up from my shower
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
Randomize
