The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Randomize
