Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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