I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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