you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
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