things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
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