I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
you would pick up someone in the library
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
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