Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
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