I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
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