Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
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