TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Randomize
