remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
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