I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
