he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
Randomize
