you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
