i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
And then he peed in my hair
Randomize