We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
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