I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
Let's get the cat blown out
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize
