"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
Randomize
