I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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