Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Randomize
