i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
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