I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
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