she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
Couch. On fire.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
Randomize
