I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
Randomize
