that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
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