Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
