I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
Randomize
