I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
Randomize