Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
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