I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
Randomize
