You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
I can't put those talents on a resume
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
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