My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
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