Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Randomize
