my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
