I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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