he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
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