So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
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