I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Randomize
