At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
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