I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
Randomize
