Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
