Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
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