I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
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