I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
I have post one night stand depression
Randomize
