ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
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