Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
My pussy is not your playground.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Randomize
