now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
Randomize
