just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
is it fun? or sober?
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
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