he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
Randomize
