Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize
