hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
nutella sex= disaster
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
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