Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
I feel like death gave me a hand job
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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