i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Randomize
