I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
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