ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
Randomize
