Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
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