He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Randomize
