420 ftw
My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
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