Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
