I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
